Love expert, oh sorry, “International Sexpert” Adam Fargas joined me in the studio today.  He’s an authority on women, and can help people fall in love, I think.  Or get laid, maybe.  Check out his website.  www.adamfargas.com   Warning: He’s slightly douchey.   He advises men to watch “One Tree Hill” to have something to talk to women about.   Today’s ASK the BEAVER was a rather devastating problem.  “I’m very pretty and men won’t talk to me and women hate me.”  The lit decided that she’s probably A) high maintenance/monster ego. B) Fug. C) Actually quite busted, and THAT’S why no one will talk to her.  Beaver’s advice — just be nice and friendly.  Nobody likes a stuck up bitch.  There, better?  JENNIFER PLOVNIK RETURNS FRIDAY!   See you then……. much love, CAT.

The final presidential debate was last night.  Of course, the big topic was the economy.  We sent our stunt boy Lemur to the supermarket to fill up his cart with things he can’t possibly pay for.  He hauled up a nice assortment of condoms, dog biscuits, and margarita mix to the checkout.  His bill came to $13.  He asked the nice lady to put things back one at a time until he got down to the total amount of cash he had - $1. Ask the Beaver.  Our letter today…. Darwin has been requested to strip at a bachelorette party.  Should he do it?  We called the furture bride, Jessica, and took calls from our lit.  Darwin get a unanimous YES, but an email from our HR dept killed Darwin’s new career.  Sorry Jessica.  You’ll have to find your manbeef elsewhere.

Tracey from the Regional Food Bank came in to talk about World Hunger Day.  The Regional Food Bank of Northeastern NY services over 1000 agencies that feed the hungry in New York.  Please support them!  www.regionalfoodbank.net

more again soon…………..xoxo

I’ve never seen a football game or been to one. Yeah, I’m a loser, I know.  So I didn’t believe Darwin when he said commentators say things like “ball to the face.”  He played me clips of perverted sounding football commentators and I guessed if they were real or not.   Who knew “FACE RAPE!” was real???  I think I like this football stuff!

It’s Metallica Monday once again!  That means at least two Metallica songs every hour. 

It’s also Columbus day.  Yawn.  It’s hard to compete with St. Patrick’s Day!  We (Italian-American’s) shouldn’t even try. 

We had a Stupid Election Update.  Renesselaer County kinda sorta screwed up their absentee ballots with “Osama” instead of “OBAMA.”  That’s, like, bad.  http://capitalnews9.com/content/politics/125792/-osama–on-absentee-ballots-in-rensselaer-county/Default.aspx

What’s worse than being detained at the border for drugs?  Being detained at the border with PENIS ENLARGING drugs.  That’s what happened to Jose Canseco.  Steroid abuse may have put put him in the itty bitty PENI commiteh, so he headed south for some Mexican weiner tablets.  Smooth move, Ex Lax.

Until my next 1/2 assed blog…………………………………………. xoxo.

I hung out with some lit at Tire Warehouse yesterday in Troy. Darwin pointed out that I’m the only Edge staff member that doesn’t know how to change a tire. No so!! I have AAA. You get out your card and call them! Darwin seems to think I should learn to do something practical, like changing a tire, so I called AAA and asked how to change a tire. They wouldn’t tell me and determined that I’d be crushed under my car if I tried. We took calls from the lit, and I’m still not on my way to tire independence. Maybe I’ll get out there and practice on Darwin’s car on Monday??!

The script for “Nailin’ Palin” has leaked!  Darwin played the part of “Serra” (spelled differently for porn and legal reasons).  I played “Russian number 1 and 2.”  Darwin’s accents are horrible, and the copy cut off before the first big sex scene.  If you locate the entire script, please email it to us: darwinandcat@albanyege.com

We called Kirsten Gillibrand’s office to cast her in the local version: Drillin’ Gillin.  FAIL.

A dude from Scotia wrote to the Beaver.  His girlfriend is selling crap and annoying HIS friends with her crappy products.  Financial writer Adam Genstein joined us today.  Bascially, these schemes don’t work and your girlfriend sucks. 

Until my next 1/2 assed blog… xoxo.

REAL MEN HAVE CATS.  At least that’s according to a new study.  They’re not just for gay guys and lonely old ladies anymore.  CATS  RULE.  Darwin doesn’t agree, but may I point out…. he has a CAT. (And a dog.  Lucy and Buster, respectively).

“Jimi Hendrix” is coming to the Palace, so we asked you to name a dead guy in a band for tickets.  Easy, right?  Song: 1979.  Band: Smashing Pumpkins.  Wrong answers: Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, and “uhhhh… the dead guy.”  Correct answer: Jonathan Melvoin, touring keyboardist.  It was a heroin/skateboarding accident, right?  Who? 

Darwin vs. Cat - Halloween. Darwin: HATES IT. Cat: LOVES IT. Darwin: It’s lame. It’s for losers. It’s only fun if you throw eggs at kids.Cat: It’s the best holiday of the year. We need more fun in the world. It’s a great day for sluts.

I love Metallica Monday.  I really do.  But today very little in the studio worked, so that’s about ALL we had to bring you.  When we did talk, we discussed:

Darwin’s weekend at Octoberfest.  He drank 2 “boots” of beer (28 ounces each) and passed out by 8 pm. 

We TRIED to give better answers to debate questions than any of the candidates, and got a giant FAIL.  How would you deal with Iran?  Darwin: “Blow them off the map.”  Cat: “Be nice until they get super weird, then ask someone.”  Yeah.  No one will elect us.  Ever.

It’s my favorite time of year… Fall, Halloween… it’s cool without being cold.  Time for costumes… and odd candy that you don’t see the rest of the year.  (Loose Kandy Korn.  WTF).   I’m off to stir my cauldron.  xo.

The VP debates were last night.  I got some bunny ears, a six pack, and I watched the democratic process at work.  I found Palin’s “folksiness” nauseating, and Biden’s squinting unnerving.  Despite my vast political disagreement with Darwin, we bonded over a game of “Palin Bingo.”

Palin look alikes are in demand for porn.  We asked our lit to throw out some Palin porn titles.  VP/DP, Nailin’ Palin, Impalin’ Palin….. Rush Her from my House.

Which leads us to… where do you hide your porn stash?  Darwin’s little folder of nasty is on his laptop, titled “Production Bloopers.”

The Pearl restaurant in Albany lost its liquor license after serving minors.  We tried to guess callers’ ages by their voices.  We sucked.

Happy weekend………………….. more 1/2 assed recaps next week. -C

It’s moving time again.  I seem to do this a LOT.  I’m looking very much forward to being in the new place — it’s huge-ja compared to the weency box we live in now.  (We  = Edward, James, me, cats + pug.  I don’t live with Dar!)  Speaking of Darwin… he gave me sh!t about hiring movers and not doing it myself.  F that!!  I have heavy stuff and “grown up people” furniture.  He’s still hanging on to futons and milk crates.  When Darwin last moved, he dropped his couch down the stairs.

I’m sad that Paul Newman died.  I’m weirdly sad about it.  IT’S NOT LIKE I KNEW THE GUY.  Darwin wants me to work ou tmy frief in public.  He has two ideas — send me to the Price Chopper to weep in the salad dressing aisle and leave a shrine of candles, notes, and teddy bears.  OR, go to McDonald’s, order a salad, and BALL MY EYES OUT while drinking Newman’s Own coffee.  Why???  Darwin… Why?  “Because you don’t push the buttons.”  Great.

The NYTimes says McCain is a big time McGambler!  We found out what a massive casino of the world’s problems.

Darwin vs. Cat!  Every week we take an aninine argument from off the air and put it on.  A British man died after eating extremely spicy chili.  I say it was a heart attack.  D says an allergic reaction to the peppers was fatal.  All right, fine.  Darwin won.  Again.  But he doesn’t have to gloat about it!  These are the stupidest arguments in the universe!

Darwin and Cat LOVE BACON.  (Yes… even “that way.”)  Would they eat some of the latest food fads?  Bacon wrapped cinnamon roll?  Chocolate covered bacon?  Uh.. hmmm.

Know your Johnson!  If you do, you’ll win!  We gave you some info, you tell us which Johnson.  We couldn’t get a correct answer for: Kennedy’s dead, Great Society, Prez.  Do you know?????????????   Lyndon Johnson.

There was probably more, but that’s all I’m doing for my half assed recap today.  xoxo.