How was your weekend?  Can you define it in 3 words?  For Cat, it’s KIBBLE, AVALANCHE, MADONNA.  It involved a massive cat food spill.  (You don’t want to know about thd Madonna part).  Cat has a pathetic life.  Darwin wasn’t much better.  PEEP SHOW, GIN, HUGE.  Sad, sad Darwin.

Is there such a thing as too much sex?  Too little?  Turns out that doing it a lot WILL help you live longer. 

 Darwin and Cat’s Drunk Dial is back!  This one was from a company accountant that we’ve never spoken to.  He is quiet, conservative, and he got WASTED the other night and ranted about a Spiderman costume (???) among other things. 

8 Most Awkward Childhood Moments.  Got one?  Darwin whacked off in the woods.

 Cat’s husband sent her a pissed off email about the “Awkward Childhood Moments” topic, saying it crossed the line into territory that’s too personal.  It really bothered Cat.  

The midday guy came in for the last break and shared his very own whacking off story.  It was during a hurricane when Dad barged into his room…. you can guess the rest .  Don’t let a natural disaster interrupt your hand party!

The city of Albany is trying to encourage people to move here… This will bring em’ in…  Â

We started off the show today with a mystery - it appears that Darwin’s neighbors have been concerned that some sort of “creature� is living outside their building. Every night they’ve been hearing the disturbing sounds of some living or undead creature - they describe it as “sounds like it’s sawing wood.� It also appears to only appear *after* Darwin has gone to bed. Hmm… sawing wood + Darwin is in bed + cool summer night + windows open = IT’S DARWIN SNORING!!! He came to this terrible realization and isn’t sure if or how he should tell them he’s the monster.

In our 630 Headlines From The Edge update we mentioned that Russia is pulling troops out of the nation of Georgia. At 640 we got into more details about that - there’s a question on Yahoo! Answers about the conflict - except the author lives in Georgia USA - NOT the country. She’s a dumb sh**… check it out for yourself - and feel free to comment that you heard it on the Darwin & Cat Radio Show!  (Click here - YAHOO DUMBASS)  http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080808091149AA3VGTk

At 650 we got scientific… with beer. A study by the University of Bristol in England says that beer googles is a real thing. Well, duh. Anyone that has undressed and banged someone they brought home from the bar knows this is fact - but I’m glad to see that even though science hasn’t cured cancer at least they aren’t doing a stupid study. No this isn’t stupid… it’s proving something that we all needed to know was a real threat to the safety and well being of the nation. 

7AM started off on the right foot - we had tickets to Five Finger Death Punch (at Northern Lights 20 October with In This Moment, Bury Your Dead, and Another Black Day) to give away. Sports Illustrated has a list  of names from the Olympics that they call the “U.S. Olympic Name Game�. Awesome! Let’s see if you can figure out the theme of the names… and you did. Second caller. Wow - impressive! This always happens… if it’s an easy game nobody gets it. If it’s hard, the first or second caller always figures it out. Morning Radio Murphy’s Law.

8AM brought us a weekly pleasure - Jennifer Plovnik. She’s deaf. She reviews movies for us. She’s crazy too. We love her. Today she *attempted* to go see Tropic Thunder but somehow she managed to get mingled up with some protesters - who thought she was… “one of them�… Oh- and she also had Macaroni and Cheese from Burger King. It all makes sense if you listen to it… and only if you listen. CLICK HERE FOR DEAF MOVIE REVIEW AUDIO (click to listen, right click and save as to download)

After that sensitive review of the protesters (she never made it to the movie but you know that because you listened to the audio). Darwin and Cat both explained that it isn’t so bad to pick on people that are developmentally disabled - God has a plan for everything and everyone - but the real bad people are these social workers and “mental health advocates�. I’m sure they’re nice people - but they really f**k things up and need to just STFU. Think of this - who told these folks, “hey, you’re a retard and that’s a bad thing.� You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s terrible! Here’s the bottom line - both of us have two core beliefs that we use as a filter for everything we do in life, everything we say on the air, etc 1) Everything is funny. Okay not everything BUT if you look for the humor in an otherwise sad situation you’ll lead a happier life - even if you don’t find the humor, you at least tried to look at it with a smile.  2) If it comes from a bad place ie: you hate some group of people and make jokes about them, that constitutes a truly evil person. HOWEVER if you approach it from a humor place (see #1) and it isn’t coming from a hateful place then it’s something called comedy, or satire, or sometimes a combination of those plus other factors. Roger Rabbit taught us that a laugh is a powerful thing - one of the most powerful things in the world actually. He’s right - mainly because he got to bang Jessica Rabbit but also because it makes sense.

One last note on the subject - we had one caller who had a theory that “those people� make fun of all of us. You know, they sit around at home and make fun of the normal people. “Dude - do the normal guy… bwhahahaha� …  if Cat wasn’t paranoid enough this iced that cake.

9AM we started the 69. If you don’t know what that is listen Monday at 9 to find out… today we tried something new called “Celebrity Cattle Judging” - we gave you the category (ie: pig, cow, etc) and two celebrity names. You had to determine who’d win in that category. Example: PIG… would Star Jones or Rosie O’Donnell win…. the correct answer is Rosie. Star isn’t a wide load… for now. 

See you Monday.

If you missed it or only caught part of our segment on Adirondack Extreme click HERE to listen. Or HERE. Or even HERE. (click to play, right click to save… and those all link to the same audio file)

Jamie and Liam came down from exit 24 to give us some more info on the outdoor adventure course. Seriously -  if you haven’t checked it out yet you have NO IDEA what you’re missing. I almost wanted to ask Jamie if I could work there on weekends part-time so I could play more on the course!

Search YouTube for “Adirondack Extreme” or “Adirondack Extreme, leap of faith” and you’ll find a plethora of videos showing exactly what you’re missing.

Check out their website as well www.adirondackextreme.com

Also today - we started off the show at 6AM with the painful sounds of that dude dislocating his elbow in the Olympics. Darwin did that to his shoulder once, but he was doing pretty much nothing but cracking his shoulder. Yeah, like your knuckles. Dumbass.

During the 8AM hour we had another edition of “Ask The Beaver” where we answered the question of “should I give my PIN and email passwords to my girlfriend? I wouldn’t and she’s pissed. What should I do?” Cat’s answer was pretty straightforward - those things are earned… end of story. You don’t ask for them, you don’t demand them - they just are given to you one day and that’s that. Vagina Man checked in during the segment (irony?) with a story about when his girlfriend was given his password and found some pix another chick had sent him. Innocent but funny.

The 9AM hour got us into the 69 (60 min of 90’s commercial free) and also into a game called “How Many Fingers Does it Take to Blank”… we had tickets to see Five Finger Death Punch at Northern Lights in October and we’d describe some sort of hand gesture and you had to tell us how many fingers were erect.  Some were easy - “the bird” = one  Some were hard - “I’m Richard Nixon” = four

Eventually SOMEONE finally got all three correct and won the tickets.

On tomorrow’s show: Olympic Name Game (for Five Finger Death Punch tix), News From Bejing, Deaf Movie Review, Celebrity Cattle Judging (for four packs of tickets to the Altamont fair), and “Awkward Childhood Moments”.

Today we started a new segment called “Beer School”. Even though we should call him Professor Beer, Eric will settle for “Eric the Beer Dude”. Eric is from World Class Beverages which is part of DeCrescente Distributing. We thought we had the world’s best job but we were mistaken - his job is to educate the world on good beer, and that’s why we’re glad he’ll be joining us every Wednesday morning in the 8:00 hour to talk beer. The samples are a bonus too!

Check out all three segments here: (click to play, right click to save as)

Segment 1

Segment 2

Segment 3

Today we sampled three different beers and had a lesson in I.P.A. which Cat finally was able to learn means India Pale Ale. We started off with a new I.P.A. from Magic Hat called Lucky Kat. Even though it’s spelled with “K” unlike the radio Cat, she liked it nonetheless. It had a good balance of hops and wasn’t overwhelming. We give it three out of five “pints” - oh yeah, our little ratings system.

Next up on the samples was a local brew from Saratoga, named Saratoga Lager. When Cat asked Beer Dude Eric what kind of beer it was he pointed out that it is a lager… like it says on the bottle. Cat didn’t like it a whole lot, Darwin thought it tasted like tomatoes, but he also had an I.P.A. taste in his mouth still. A few more sips and Darwin said he wouldn’t kick it out of bed. We give it two pints out of five - maybe three because you should always support your local breweries!

Last up was Brooklyn Lager - yes Cat… it’s a Lager like the bottle says. This was the highlight of the beer tasting and goes perfect with a nice garlic pizza. Four pints out of five. We can’t give five on the first day!!! Excellent beer though - Brooklyn Brewery is known for being masters of their craft and you can taste the knowledge that goes into making their beer.

Oh and the word/phrase of the day was “lawnmower beer” - a nice cold beer you drink while riding your mower. Think - Miller Lite.

Next week - we’ll talk about Oktoberfest! It actually starts mid-September. Bet you didn’t know that! Tune in next Wednesday morning, 8AM hour and we’ll talk beer once again.

6:00 - ***Rains flooded Capitaland, but Cat’s hair escaped unscathed!!***  Sure people had major damage, but I have problems too.  I was trapped in my car w/o an umbrella, right in front of my apartment.  (Wet hair equals FRIZZ, people!!)  I did what any normal gal would do.  I took my shirt off, tied it around my head, and strolled home.  Ahhh… a leisurely (near) topless walk solves everythere.  Hair saved.  Neighbors… amused???

7:00 - News from Beijing.  The all-PENIS resaurant is now open!  Visit SAVE 30.com now!

8:00 - DARWIN vs. CAT!  Can excercise kill?  YES says CAT!  NO says DARWIN!  Look, Isaac Hayes keeled over next to his treadmill.   Excercise killed ‘em.  Dead.  The listeners agreed with me.  I do admit my argument was very stupid, but it’s fun to win.

9:00 - Worst day ever!  Our friend was arrested… after getting into a car accident… as a passenger.  To cheer her up, we took calls about your worst day ever.  One dude’s goldfish “Brian” died.  AND his g-friend left him for another woman the same day.  (Insert fish joke here).  Godspeed, Brian!

Until my next half-assed recap……CAT.

Let’s do this recap, bitches!

6:00 - We’re back after a week off of sleeping & drinking.  Darwin looked for a 2nd job over vaca.  I applied at a bookstore.  They won’t hire me because I have no skills

Weekend in three words.  What happened to Darwin?  Beer.  Pathetic.  Troy. 

7:00 -  Bernie Mac is dead!  Suckage!  Issac Hayes is dead too.  More suckage!

8:00 - Cat drunk dialed Darwin while falling off a chair at the Macaroni Grill.  Darwin and Cat’s Drunk Dial is back, with special guest Cat.

9:00 - News from China.  A dude banged a park bench and got stuck.  As I always say, if it’s out there, someone, somewhere wants to F it.

Here’s what happened on today’s show:

 6:00 — My baby kitty Alex chewed through my new phone cord but LUCKILY did not get fried.   So off to the Sprint Store, where the guy gave me the wrong cord as a replacement.  He then said he hates radio, especially when “two people talk.”  I didn’t tell him what I do.

My episode of “Wife Swap” re-aired last night.  I didn’t watch, but a lot of people did, which led to some very strange emails.  One dude said it’s obvious that I, CAT,  need a big black c**k in my ****.   Thanks for watching, Sir!

7:00 — Recap of Wife Swap audio for Underoath & The Red Cord tickets.  Game: Are you meaner than a Texan?  What would Sue Ann say?

 8:00 — Ask the Beaver.  Dear Beaver!  I want a vasectomy.  I’m 22 and I don’t want kids.  The Beaver, Darwin, and the lit told the letter writer NOT to snip his junk.

Darwin had surgery “down there.”  No…  not a vasectomy, but an ultrasound for a hernia situation… which had an audience of 20 people. 

9:00 — The 69.  60 min of 90s music… and more!  Part 1 of Edward’s comic book/graphic novel, Rock and Roll Death Wagon, is available at www.fanaticpress.com.  Issues 2-4 coming soon!

YAY!

Thanks to our “lit” for making EdgeFest a huge success!!  Send your pictures to darwinandcat@albanyedge.com.  And remember…. wipe front to back.

 And now… today’s show:

6:00 — Darwin’s quest to quit smoking didn’t last long.  EdgeFest broke him in seconds.  A co-worker sent Darwin an article on the best way to quit — get pregnant.  Darwin has a “glow” about him, but I think he was just sweating and not knocked up. 

 7:00 — What’s the lamest summer camp you can send your kid to?  FINANCE CAMP.  Screw waterskiing!  Learn to balance a checkbook.  Poison ivy and stds not a threat here.

Racheal Ray Dinner or Dog Food?  Cow faced loser RR has a new line of “super premium” dog food that includes garlic, WHICH CAN KILL YOUR DOG.  We gave out ingredients and asked you — people food or dog treat?  One of the toughest games we’ve ever played!

8:00.  The Park Masturbator, the insane pervert who is obsessed with me, checked in with one of his creepiest messages yet.  He read something that said Super Mario Brothers was the greatest video game of all time.  He then asked me if I wanted to “hop on his toadstool.”  Yeahhhhhhhhhh…. no.

More video games.  Darwin swears by Bugs Bunny’s Crazy Castle.  Cat loves Frogger.  We are retards.

9:00 — Death Metal in the Middle East?  Can it be true??? King of Troycore/metal expert RALPH RENNA stopped by for a listen.  Only, we wouldn’t play it.  I mean… How can we tell what Iranian Metal dudes are really saying?  How do you say “I am the lord of the Nocturnal Beast” in Farsi?

My episode of “Wife Swap” (McGoldrick/Noel) will repeat tonight at 8pm, ABC TV.  Relive the nightmare!

Until my next halfassed blog…. -CAT xoxo

ALBANY SARATOGA SPEEDWAY FAN APPRECIATION NIGHT 

 

 

 

Hey, listen up!  Do you want HALF PRICE EDGEFEST TICKETS?  Hell, we’ll go even lower.  How About TEN DOLLAR EDGEFEST TICKETS!!  Tonight, Albany Saratoga Speedway in Malta brings you Summer Meltdown 2008.  Be sure to come out and see Darwin and Cat as we broadcast live from 6-10pm for fan appreciation night.  Everyone who comes out to the track will receive a Special certificate redeemable inside the gates for as many tickets to Edgefest 2008 as you want for a one time, one night only, ridiculously low price of just TEN DOLLARS!  Yup, you heard it right, Albany Saratoga Speedway wants to thank racing fans, by offering you the chance to see Everclear, P.O.D., Filter, Days of the New, Tantric, In This Moment and more at Edgefest 2008 for just TEN DOLLARS!  So come out to the Albany Saratoga Speedway, for the fastest and most affordable entertainment in the Capital Region, Route 9 in Malta between exits 12 and 13 off the Northway, TONIGHT.  Tickets are just 12 bucks for adults, 2 Dollars for kids, and everyone that gets in gets Edgefest tickets for just TEN DOLLARS.  Summer Meltdown at the Albany Sarartoga Speedway - TONIGHT!!! (FRIDAY)